@Tyagarajan, this post really hit home. Thanks for sharing it, especially knowing it might spark some tough conversations. The point you made about never truly feeling safe—it’s something so many people don’t talk about, but it’s the reality for countless women in India. You nailed it when you said we can’t call ourselves developed if half the population feels like an afterthought.
And that part about the ‘unearned perks of being male’—I think a lot of us have never really stopped to consider just how much we’ve benefited from the system, even if we’re not actively part of the problem. It’s a wake-up call to step up, speak out, and really be part of the solution. I hope more people read this and start rethinking the way they see these issues.
Appreciate you putting this out there—it’s a conversation that’s long overdue
Thanks for reading! This is a story that's been talked about by most women - only its rarer for the men to talk about it. I think the best thing we can do is be examples in smaller circles and our own lives and hope that things change over decades.
I think it's important to have it been said by a non-Westerner. My parents fell in love with India but were basically accompanied by an Indian tour guide 24/7 (and my mom is of old age).
I'd love to go some time but people (both Indian and not) have always talked me out of it. I never went, in part because I considered myself warned, in part because I was lazy to organize the trip, and in part because I didn't want to go by myself. I wonder how I, as a tourist, would've experienced what you write about. I imagine it would be different in some way.
India has so much rich experiences that its a shame that some of the attitudes might put off people from experiencing it. I still think you should visit India (if you want to) but it does require a lot of planning (the tourist infra isn't as smooth as some other countries) and I would highly recommend a local guide with you or doing it in a larger group. I am sure your perspective as a tourist would be very different basis the limited snapshots you may have had - may have been great or terrible. Also, some parts of India are relatively safer than the others.
Actually, I'm still pretty impartial, I would still like to go one day. Honestly my parents are like India's spokes ppl now, RAVING reviews all around. I would def go with a guide or group. But I was just surprised by the amount of people advising me not to go.
I agree a 100% with every point you’ve raised here. It’s the feeling of being watched when I used to walk everyday to catch an early college bus, the protecting myself with my backpack in front when I got on a crowded staircase at the station, constantly monitoring google maps to see if the Uber driver is following the route to my destination. Yes, some cities are better than others but the insecurity is never far away. Yet even now, when I tell my Indian friends in Singapore that I moved here so that I don’t have to keep looking over my shoulder, I am immediately made to feel like I’m being disloyal somehow. Thank you for writing a post that acknowledges that this stuff is not in my head.
Yes, being made to feel shame for expressing this thought is terrible because it makes these thoughts rarer and thus when someone says them it feels like a one off. Also, isn't the greatest display of love for your country, point out the flaws openly so we can get better. You wouldn't care enough to do it for a place you don't care about.
This is a brilliant article. It captures the lived experience of most Indian women. One of my NRI friend (who has served as a Doctor in Africa, Asia and Europe) casually remarked that she felt safer as a woman Doctor in Africa, than in India.
...glad you published this...your mind and heart are in great space brother...we have to talk about the hard stuff if we ever hope to solve it...and as a man i can always be better in relation to any and everyone...
@Tyagarajan, this post really hit home. Thanks for sharing it, especially knowing it might spark some tough conversations. The point you made about never truly feeling safe—it’s something so many people don’t talk about, but it’s the reality for countless women in India. You nailed it when you said we can’t call ourselves developed if half the population feels like an afterthought.
And that part about the ‘unearned perks of being male’—I think a lot of us have never really stopped to consider just how much we’ve benefited from the system, even if we’re not actively part of the problem. It’s a wake-up call to step up, speak out, and really be part of the solution. I hope more people read this and start rethinking the way they see these issues.
Appreciate you putting this out there—it’s a conversation that’s long overdue
Thanks for reading! This is a story that's been talked about by most women - only its rarer for the men to talk about it. I think the best thing we can do is be examples in smaller circles and our own lives and hope that things change over decades.
I think it's important to have it been said by a non-Westerner. My parents fell in love with India but were basically accompanied by an Indian tour guide 24/7 (and my mom is of old age).
I'd love to go some time but people (both Indian and not) have always talked me out of it. I never went, in part because I considered myself warned, in part because I was lazy to organize the trip, and in part because I didn't want to go by myself. I wonder how I, as a tourist, would've experienced what you write about. I imagine it would be different in some way.
India has so much rich experiences that its a shame that some of the attitudes might put off people from experiencing it. I still think you should visit India (if you want to) but it does require a lot of planning (the tourist infra isn't as smooth as some other countries) and I would highly recommend a local guide with you or doing it in a larger group. I am sure your perspective as a tourist would be very different basis the limited snapshots you may have had - may have been great or terrible. Also, some parts of India are relatively safer than the others.
Actually, I'm still pretty impartial, I would still like to go one day. Honestly my parents are like India's spokes ppl now, RAVING reviews all around. I would def go with a guide or group. But I was just surprised by the amount of people advising me not to go.
I agree a 100% with every point you’ve raised here. It’s the feeling of being watched when I used to walk everyday to catch an early college bus, the protecting myself with my backpack in front when I got on a crowded staircase at the station, constantly monitoring google maps to see if the Uber driver is following the route to my destination. Yes, some cities are better than others but the insecurity is never far away. Yet even now, when I tell my Indian friends in Singapore that I moved here so that I don’t have to keep looking over my shoulder, I am immediately made to feel like I’m being disloyal somehow. Thank you for writing a post that acknowledges that this stuff is not in my head.
Yes, being made to feel shame for expressing this thought is terrible because it makes these thoughts rarer and thus when someone says them it feels like a one off. Also, isn't the greatest display of love for your country, point out the flaws openly so we can get better. You wouldn't care enough to do it for a place you don't care about.
Thanks for being bold and sharing this with us! This is an important topic.
This is a brilliant article. It captures the lived experience of most Indian women. One of my NRI friend (who has served as a Doctor in Africa, Asia and Europe) casually remarked that she felt safer as a woman Doctor in Africa, than in India.
Powerful piece!
...glad you published this...your mind and heart are in great space brother...we have to talk about the hard stuff if we ever hope to solve it...and as a man i can always be better in relation to any and everyone...