People often ask me what’s my one life advice.
(I’ll be honest, no one ever asks me that. I’ve just always wanted to start a sentence that said “People often ask me”. It helps me be prepared for the future where I am the world’s favorite internet guru.)
To these imaginary people, I give a single piece of advice. It’s not something you’d have heard from the hundreds of podcast bros or LinkedIn gurus.
It’s this:
Pet a cat
Or, at least try to.
No, it’s not a metaphor. No, the cat here doesn’t represent your feelings. Petting doesn’t refer to you embracing life.
The cat is literal - those murder machines that meow; toothy terminators; poltergeists on paws; that purring doomsday; felines that don’t give a fuck.
A literal domestic cat. It doesn’t matter what color it is or how big or small it is. Just pet it, or rather, try to.
That’s my advice.
You can stop reading this and go to the nearest cat.
Cats have style
Still here? Let me continue my special ed for you slow coaches.
The reason why you need to pet a cat is this:
Cats have style.
Imagine if you learned that dogs went around killing 15 billion mammals every year. You’d immediately be out with pitchforks calling for those damn savages to be locked up.
And yet, that’s exactly what cats do. They’re extinction events with whiskers.
And yet, what do we do?
We pet and cuddle them. We let them roam willy-nilly around in cities, homes, and (gasp!)…even our beds. They willingly present evidence of their murder on our doorstep and we look at the dead body of an ex-animal and go, “Aww, how cute, your offering”. We let them plot in peace on how they’d devour us the day we die.
Why?
Style.
Petting a cat teaches you to respect this style. The lesson is this: You may be murderous and apathetic but if you have style, people will cozy up to you and open their doors for you. Style is worth working for.
You’ll notice the style as you approach her purrliness, smug in her perch looking down at you like you are the scum of the earth. You’ll notice the poise and stillness and those sparkling eyes that bore a hole into your head. You’ll feel the barely contained sprightly energy radiating off her lustrous coat.
Style.
I can hear your rumblings of dissatisfaction. I hear your whiny entitled self say, “That’s not good enough! We need some real-life lessons. Something, that’s going to change my life through my eyeballs”
Don’t worry, there’s more. LinkedIn would be proud.
Three lessons
Anyone who has tried to pet a cat knows that it can go one of three ways:
The cat walks away in utter disgust.
The cat snaps at you. You pull back your hand and realize that you now have one less finger than when you went in. Or an eye missing.
The cat obliges you momentarily and you pet her.
Let’s look at the three results one by one and what lessons they can teach us.
#1. A cat moving away from you with disgust is humbling. You may have millions of Instagram followers, run your own AI company, or be the best parent to your kid who just called you the best person ever but to the cat you’re just another disgusting organic life form. Your place not just drops in the human race but in the value chain of life. You are no better than a vermin. You may, in fact, be worse off than the little mouse that the cat went chasing after.
While this may seem dis-spiriting at first, it is life-affirming to know that you are a nobody, an irrelevant cog in this wheel of life, who for some reason wears a dress and goes to work. This kind of deep humiliation is the best rage fuel for success.
Now, on to the second scenario.
#2. Losing a finger is a bit more of a permanent outcome than emotional trauma (arguably). You are going to have to live with one fewer finger (the cat’s most likely taken your finger as an offering for elsewhere) but there’s a bright side to it.
The sight of your missing finger will remind you every day to approach things with kindness and caution. It’s a great lesson to carry around (even if with a weaker grasp thanks to the missing finger). This is the reason Evolution gave you ten fingers anyway - nine more attempts to get it right.
Now to the happy outcome.
#3. If the cat approves you and deems you worthy of petting her, then your whole life changes. After all, cats are the epitome of evolution, the being civilizations prayed to. The internet you read this on was built on the back of millions of cat memes.
The surge of dopamine will be nothing you’ve ever felt before. No drug in the world will make you feel more worthy. Brimming with life-changing confidence, you’ll go on to do great things. Or become a dictator.
The real lesson is this…
The cat remains unaffected after your petting. When you pet a dog, it is indebted to you for the service. It becomes your servant for life, wagging its tail and being gleefully dumb in its servitude whereas the cat teaches that you that affection is not a quid pro quo service.
In fact, you haven’t pet the cat but rather the cat allowed you the petting privilege. You are in her debt.
And therein lies the ultimate life lesson: Love isn’t quid pro quo. Showing your love to someone isn’t a service you provide for them but something you do for yourself. And there is no expectation of receiving anything in return.
(wow, I managed to finagle an actual lesson in there).
So, just go and try to pet a cat.
Could be Worse,
Tyag
What a curveball!
This is Jordan Peterson’s 12th rule for life