A list of all the things I no longer care about
Growing older means you care about fewer and fewer things
In May this year, on a hot and muggy Bangkok day, I finished yet another cycle around the sun successfully.
Cycle number 37…
was done and dusted without much fanfare.
Had I been living in classical Rome, I would have been celebrating this with an extraordinary orgy, for I would have exceeded the average life expectancy (~35 years) of that era. Same would go for 18th century China under the Qing dynasty (although I could reasonably hope to live till 39 perhaps). In 19th century British India, I would surely have been a sycophant under one of the British Sahibs to have even lived this long.
All of this is to put into perspective, the staid, morose indifference with which I welcomed being 37 years old. It probably means something, but I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what it was. Indifferent because, as an age, 37 just feels rather middling. I mean, you feel the panic of middle age in your early thirties, which, by the time you reach 37, has turned into a grey acceptance. You see the 40s approaching like a clunky, steampunk devil but you know it’s still a few years away.
Overall, you are at the stage where you are not going to significantly reinvent yourself, nor are you at a stage where you fully let go and become the judgement-passing, neighborhood mama who everyone avoids.
So, it’s that phase of the journey, like in Nilgiris express, where the last station was the bustling Erode junction. You did the engine change, picked the direction, etc. and now you are just coasting towards Coimbatore.
All this is not to put a dark, depressing spin on it. In fact, I’ve rather enjoyed the thirties and as I reel more of it in, I do feel that I will enjoy it even more.
One common theme has emerged that is the source of my enjoyment which is - I no longer give a shit about a lot of things.
This I don’t give a f*** about
As it turns out, Mark Manson was right. Happiness is inversely correlated to the amount of shits you give to things. This has become a natural outcome of becoming old, a lesson life’s been slow-teaching me.
What do I no longer give a shit about? Here’s a list:
I no longer expect to change myself drastically through some magical new habits. Whatever habits happen, they are going to happen glacially, over decades, in a start-stop fashion following my guilt-decadence cycle. But, I also care more about health overall than I ever did - knowing that it may not always be this good.
Abs - not gonna happen. Why bother?
Emotionally investing in objects - they’re just things. Only people and experiences are worth emotionally investing in (and a few, good people). All of this still doesn’t stop me from nearly losing it when I look at a photo of my Swift (now sold off) and feel like a real loss of a person.
Wanting to be driven, packing every minute of my day - nah, I’m always going to be the luxurious sloth with occasional bursts of manic building / working. I can never be that person who is so driven by one cause that they spend all their living moment thinking about it and it’s fine.
Not being the smartest, best wherever I am - took a while to shed competitive schooling and college. I needn’t be the smartest person in any room. This leaves room to actually learn. Also, and more importantly, I don’t need others to think I am one of the smartest people in the room. In fact, I nowadays seem to take a perverse pleasure in watching certain people judge me based on me asking what may be stupidly simple questions.
Forcing faithfulness to a clan (country, language, state, culture, religion, etc.) just because you were born in it - this is a work in progress, made harder by people you love questioning your lack of faith in things they care about. Clans are good for building a certain sense of community but dangerous when out of control. I don’t have to feel guilty just because I identify with a clan I wasn’t born into or not identifying with any of these clans at all.
That doing something will make me look stupid - to be honest, this is work in progress. I hope to do more stupid things, more publicly and not give a rats ass about it in the coming years.
I can change someone - ha ha, what a joke. You can’t change anyone. If they want to, they could, arguably. If it’s someone you really care about, then talking about what needs changing - honestly, and without judgement is the best you can hope to do.
Being cool - I don’t even know what the hell cool is but I’ve spent a big part of my life trying to be it. But screw that, being nice trumps it in the long term.
Nice guy is not a bad term. When younger, being told this would irritate and anger me enormously. I did not want to be the nice guy. I wanted to be the most interesting guy. Or the most adventurous. Instead all I got was nice. But now, as it turns out, nice is a super power - keeps me and everyone I love happier.
Peer comparison of career - this is also work in progress although I have come a long way. I largely no longer care if someone who is of the same age / pedigree / class is doing better than me in terms of wealth or career. We’re all in different paths.
Rom Coms - still don’t care for them. Never did.
Bad books. Once upon a time, I’d feel guilty for giving up on a book. But the clock is ticking and ‘good books’ are infinite.
Management / life hacks / concept books - never going to love them. The only non-fiction I can probably read are ones with stories - history, biography, journalistic story telling, etc. Don’t come and dump frameworks and spider charts as reading material. I will ‘learn’ stuff I have to at the point of use and for most other things use first principles approach rather than slapping on an abstraction you’ve created.
Stopping caffeine. I mean, I no longer care about stopping coffee. I will, and always be, addicted to it. And I am fine with it.
Formula 1: Cars going around in circles. Life is too short to watch that.
Sports in general - when there’s any free time or that rare feeling of watching it. Not going to set alarms and sit in front of TV for a sporting event unless it’s a world cup final or Djoker is playing Nadal or Federer.
Phew! I am sure there are many, many more.